I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
What drink are we having for lunch?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
