It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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