I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
