You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
