hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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