Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.

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(516): View more from New York

Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?

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(509): View more from Washington

i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(778): View more from British Columbia

i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.

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(813): View more from Florida

Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.

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