I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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