this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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