You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
