you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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