He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
