So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
