Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
