Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
