I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
