last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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i cant cry in cvs. not again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So vagazzling was a success
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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