Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
