Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
