Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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