remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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