Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
