Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
