She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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