Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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