Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
