you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
