He felt like a one man threesome
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
