I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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