So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
