6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
should my penis look like a turkey
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
