I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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