Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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