Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
