remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize