I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
