it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
