dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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