Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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