paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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