Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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