Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
