So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
