I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
