So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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