goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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