PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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