his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
