I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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