I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
