i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
