I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
