I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My vagina is very pro this idea
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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