just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it's like iHOP with fire
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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