Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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