theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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