Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
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There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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