is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
