I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
