There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
