I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
