have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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