I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
