So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
